WE ARE ALWAYS LISTENING

Angry?

Brought to you by the NSA

July 10, 2015

 

We Are Always Listening is an independent contractor for the National Security Agency (albeit in

an unofficial, unsolicited, pro-bono capacity).

 

On July 9th, 2015, two agents of

We Are Always Listening, Andrew Tider and Jeff Greenspan blew the whistle on

the contractor, claiming the project supports a surveillance organization operating outside its own rules and beyond the law. The duo asserts that by assisting the NSA, W.A.A.L. is complicit in their crimes.

 

WHISTLEBLOWERS SHUT DOWN WE ARE ALWAYS LISTENING, CLAIM THEY'VE BEEN ASSISTING A MOB-LIKE ORGANIZATION.

As Tider and Greenspan are the founders of W.A.A.L., their whistleblowing effectively shuts down the tiny surveillance apparatus. After revealing their identities, the two relieved all agents of their duties.

 

A telephone call with NSA whistleblower Thomas Drake led the duo to realize the NSA is “off the leash,” harassing, threatening, and in some cases criminalizing, employees who use proper channels to keep the agency within its boundaries. “The NSA is essentially operating like the mob. If you can’t abide by their practices once you’re in, you can’t simply walk away, they’ll ruin your life. We don’t want to be terrorized just for helping to fight terror,” said Greenspan. Tider added, “We wanted to get out of the NSA’s game while we still had the chance. At one point we hoped to be acquired by the surveillance giant, but now realize they don’t play by anyone’s rules, even their own.”

 

Tider and Greenspan recommend watching Thomas Drake’s appearance on The Daily Show (below), and wish other NSA agents who wish to uphold the law better luck, treatment, and success.

 

 

LOCATION:            Extra Virgin restaurant, West Village, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Recovered.

We're Listening While You're Venting.

 

Your mundane musings are of vital interest to us.

Why? Let us worry about that.

 

June 3, 2015 - MISSION RESUMED DUE TO PASSING OF THE USA FREEDOM ACT.

 

 

June 1, 2015 - MISSION PAUSED DUE TO SUNSETTING OF THE PATRIOT ACT. Recordings Will Resume if USA Freedom Act Passes.

 

 

INTERNATIONAL UPDATE: We're Listening as You Have Political Discussions About Art and Theater while Condemning the Sexist Lyrics of Peter Fox.

 

America is not just a country, it's an idea. Since ideas know no boundaries, we've deployed in Germany.

 

 

 

 

LOCATION:            Bateau Ivre, Oranienstraße, Kreuzberg, Germany

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Recovered.

 

INTERNATIONAL UPDATE: We're Listening as You Travel from France to Germany Just to Complain About it.

 

Keeping The Homeland safe requires feet, and ears, on the ground abroad.

 

 

 

LOCATION:            Potsdamer Platz, Berlin, Germany

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Recovered.

We’re listening as you cut up friends behind their backs.

 

Asians belittling other Asians for sounding too Asian.

 

 

 

LOCATION:            Brindle Room restaurant, East Village, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Recovered.

We're Listening During Your Private Sessions with Your Personal Trainer.

 

Your socioeconomic status can speak louder than

your voice.

 

 

 

LOCATION:            Weight bench at Crunch Gym, Union Square, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Removed. Tape’s whereabouts unknown.

We’re Listening as You Go On

Job Interviews.

 

A woman rendezvouses with an artist at a cafe to discuss becoming his assistant.

 

 

 

LOCATION:              Cafe Orlin, East Village, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:     Foreigners and artists identified in

                         neighborhood. Caution advised.

DEVICE STATUS:        Still in place at time of declassification.

We're Listening as You're Scheming.

 

An unguarded conversation reveals deception.

 

 

 

LOCATION:            Angel’s Share Lounge, Astor Place, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:    Plot detected, though not terrorist in nature.

DEVICE STATUS:       Recovered.

 

 

LOCATION:            Building on Bond restaurant, Brooklyn, NY

TERRORISM STATUS:    None.

DEVICE STATUS:       Still in place at time of declassification.

We’re Listening as You Discuss Your Most Intimate Moments.

 

A fetish-fueled hookup reveals perversions which shall be kept on file.

 

We're Listening as You Tell Your Well Rehearsed Stories.

 

You’re a wealth of information, not only about yourself, but also your neighbors.

 

 

 

LOCATION:              Cafe Mogador, East Village, NYC

TERRORISM STATUS:     None.

DEVICE STATUS:        Still in place at time of declassification.